Birthday Belief Systems
Sunday, April 29, 2001

IDEALISM: Happy Birthday.

CAPITALISM: I shopped all day for your birthday.

COMMUNISM: We only celebrate Lenin's birthday.

CORPORATE AMERICA: Happy birthday. You're fired.

AGNOSTICISM: I'm not sure if it's your birthday or not.

ATHEISM: I can't believe it's your birthday.

HINDUISM: Holy Cow! Is it your birthday?

HINDUISM: Ever get that feeling you've been born before?

TAOISM: It's everybody's birthday.

BUDDHISM: If your birthday party was held in the forest and nobody came... would it make a sound?

CATHOLICISM: Sorry, we need candles for votive purposes.

EPISCOPALIANISM: Tasteful birthday to you! Care for some Dry Sack?

LUTHERANISM: I take it on faith it's your birthday. So I don't need to send cards and gifts, right?

EXISTENTIALISM: Your birthday means nothing to me.

FUNDAMENTALISM: But when is your _spiritual_ birthday?

SARCASM: You don't look half bad for someone twice your age.

QUAKERS: I am moved to wish you a peaceful birthday.

UNITARIAN-UNIVERSALISTS: Have any kind of birthday you want.