Two-Cow Philosophy
Monday, September 10, 2001

Political Philosophies Explained in Simple "Two-Cow" Terms

Socialism:
You have two cows. You keep one and give one to your neighbor.

Communism:
You have two cows. The government takes them both and provides you with milk.

Fascism:
You have two cows. The government takes them and sells you the milk.

Bureaucracy:
You have two cows. The government takes them both, shoots one, milks the other, pays you for the milk, and then pours it down the drain.

Capitalism:
You have two cows. You sell one and buy a bull.

Corporate:
You have two cows. You sell one, force the other to produce the milk of four cows and then act surprised when it drops dead.

Democracy:
You have two cows. The government taxes you to the point that you must sell them both in order to support a man in a foreign country who has only one cow which was a gift from your government.