Headlines 1
Sunday, January 20, 2002

One of comedian Will Rogers' favorite remarks was "All I know is what I read in the papers." For many busy people, all they know is what they read in the headlines. The bold messages entice readers to purchase copies from the news stand and, if there is time, to dive more deeply into a story.

Behind every newspaper headline lurks a newspaper deadline. The men and women who compose headlines work within restrictions of time and space.

They must compact large-size print into narrow column widths, and their brief messages must clearly state the theme of each story, keep words intact, be attractive to the eye and catch the reader's attention. On top of that, each headline must be written in a fraction of the time thought humanly possible.

No wonder that, on occasion, editors get caught with their headlines down, and exposed to as many as several million readers, the bold-face botch becomes a red-face result.

Some of the best two-headed headlines are those in which an inadvertent pun lifts the message from the blandly literal to the sublimely absurd:

GRANDMOTHER OF EIGHT MAKES HOLE IN ONE

DEAF MUTE GETS NEW HEARING IN KILLING

DEFENDANT'S SPEECH ENDS IN LONG SENTENCE

ASBESTOS SUIT PRESSED

DOCTOR TESTIFIES IN HORSE SUIT

COMPLAINTS ABOUT NBA REFEREES GROWING UGLY

POLICE BEGIN CAMPAIAGN TO RUNDOWN JAYWALKERS

FLAMING TOILET SEAT CAUSES EVACUATION AT HIGH SCHOOL

HOUSE PASSES GAS TAX ONTO SENATE

POLICE DISCOVER CRACK IN AUSTRALIA

TUNA BITING OFF WASHINGTON COAST

MANY ANTIQUES SEEN AT D.A.R. MEETING

IKE SAYS NIXON CAN'T STAND PAT

TWO CONVICTS EVADE NOOSE; JURY HUNG

U.S. AUDIT FINDS FUNDS FOR YOUTH MISSPENT

ALL-STARS TURN ON SPARSE CROWD

NATION'S HUNGRY ATTACK MEESE.

COLLEGIANS ARE TURNING TO VEGATABLES

MILK DRINKERS ARE TURNING TO POWDER

HALF-MILLION ITALIAN WOMEN SEEN ON PILL

SAFETY EXPERTS SAY SCHOOL BUS PASSENGERS SHOULD BE BELTED

FLORIDA ILLEGAL ALIENS CUT IN HALF BY NEW LAW

10 REVOLTING OFFICERS EXECUTED

QUARTER OF A MILLION CHINESE LIVE ON WATER

DRUNK GETS NINE MONTHS IN VIOLIN CASE

COUNTY OFFICIALS TO TALK RUBBISH

JUDGE ACTS TO REOPEN THEATER

MAN HELD IN MIAMI AFTER SHOOTING BEE

SURVIVOR OF SIAMESE TWINS JOINS PARENTS

CARTER PLANS SWELL DEFICIT

CARTER TICKS OFF BLACK HELP

CARRIBEAN ISLANDS DRIFT TO LEFT